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I'm the guy you cut in the queue, that's why you got the ticket and I don't

I'm the guy who eats lunch alone in the corner, while you have your lunch together with a group of friends and become the loudest table in the restaurant

I'm the guy who changes his weekend schedule because you want to go somewhere with your kids and your driver is used by your husband

I'm the guy who wishes your brothers and sister-in-law birthday wishes while you don't even bother to remember my brothers & sisters birthday

I'm the guy who always misses out on good things in life because I'm always late to it or I don't get invited

I'm the guy who tells straight lie to my parents to be with you and you don't even give a damn to respect it

I'm the guy who suffers because you want me to be like someone else's son

I'm the guy who drives you to gathering with your friends, while you don't want to go with me to meet my friends

I'm the guy whose absence won't be missed by others

I'm the guy who studies hard for the test but my grade is still lower than you because you cheat. And everybody who doesn't know it praises your good grade

I'm the guy who follows all the rules but still don't get any benefit from it

I'm the guy who changes lane because the other lane is not as congested, but as soon as I'm in the lane it becomes the most congested one

I'm the guy you sneer at because my major in the university is less common and less commercial than the rest of the world

I'm the guy whose salary is still lower than you even though I've worked longer than you

I'm the guy who gets refused by the valet parking while you easily get it because of the car you drive

I'm the guy who loves you while you're dating the guy who abuses you

I'm the guy who helps you whenever you ask for it, but when I need your help you'll always have excuses for not doing it

I'm the guy who always follows your rules, while you don't want to follow mine

I'm the guy who has to come early to get the parking space, because most of them is already reserved by you

And I'm tired of being that guy...


It's been a hectic, tiring, troubling week, and I'm so sad. But there are no lads in red & white to cheer me up. The only solution available is www.manutdpics.com.

tired & troubled

I've known from the start that life after marriage couldn't be all sweet. I know that things will get tougher and more difficult. They come thick and fast altogether at once, and if I can be in my brain, the scene will be like Hiroshima or Nagasaki after that several minutes of Hell in 1945. I've analyzed all of the problems, and they're all rooted from one single cause only. If I manage to double my income, most of those annoying things will just go away with the wind.

It's getting worse during last weekend when suddenly those problems were tried to be solved, I couldn't say anything coz I knew that it'd be just useless. They went with me in every step I take, every air I breathe, and every minute I sleep. That's the reason why sleep can no longer become my shelter. I just notice today that I have bags under my eyes, and they begin to form round my eyes. Whenever I go to sleep now, it's not something enjoyable anymore. I just shut my eyes, and then wake up some 6-7 hours later feeling more restless and tired. I don't have any dream, and I don't have any recollection of what I think and feel during my sleep. It's gone with a snap of your fingers.

I'm so tired and they're out to get me. Fast.

not another italian job...

It was predictable. But then, why did I still drive in the wee hours of the morning? Why did I choose to abandon the comfort of my mattress? Why was I willing to lose my sleeping time and be zombie-like sleepy at work later on? Why did I do it when the end result from last night's game was already obvious? We call it passion, the feeling of being there for your team, to support them whenever they need it even when you're not in the stadium, to see them try to make us proud. If only there's a way to pass on that collective passion from every watching United supporters from all over the world to the 11 men on the field, then we will be invincible. It's by watching game like this when the real United supporter could stand up and be counted. Supporting United is not just about having the latest jersey or merchandise in store, it's about being with your team through victories and losses. It's about feeling the same pain that they had.

The feeling I've got all week before the game, was the feeling I had while watching Leverkusen game a couple of years ago. We tried everything but the opponent was just too strong and resisting everything we threw at them. Tonight's case wasn't that different. Milan will always be an elite team, but I expect at least we could make them sweat a bit with our never-say-die attitude. It was disappointing, Giggsy had to be withdrawn early with bleeding nose from Gattuso's elbow, Ronaldo kept jacking the shots wherever he was instead of passing, Ruud was stifled efficiently by that bald Dutchman, Keano was strangled by Gattuso & Seedorf, and Rooney's youthful exuberance couldn't still get the best of those creaky legs of Maldini.

When the score was still 0-0, I always felt that we would still have the chance and all we needed just a little bit more injection of aggression and fighting spirit that could be given by Alan Smith. However, Fergie just gave him 5 minutes to do so after we were down 0-1. Why didn't Fergie just throw him and Bellion, or Rossi, or even Choccy for God's sake after Crespo scored again??? The funny thing was that while driving and contemplating about the game I could think about Fergie resigning. Actually, it made sense with him being humbled by that bastard smug Mourinho, failing in Europe, and being virtually impossible to snatch the Premiership title this season. It's always easy to blame the Gaffer, saying that he's past his time and such but I belive this season's failure will only motivate him better to win everything available next season.

A lot of whys and a lot of what ifs, and they still wouldn't change a thing. We're out of Europe, again and it's gonna be long flight home from Milan.

For me, it's just another sleepy drive home and another nodding-off in the office for work.


I was heavily disappointed for the umpteenth time with the lads for the game against Crystal Palace. We desperately needed the three points to close the gap with Chelsea, and we couldn't get it. We only managed to share a point with a team that lied fourth from the bottom of the league. It was a very frustrating game to watch. I know that half of the team's mind probably had gone to San Siro for the second leg match against AC Milan, but it wasn't an excuse! Even our "second" team should be able to carve out a victory against Palace's first team.

Had I mentioned that the game was very frustrating to watch? Giggsy wasted several chances, Ruud was still rusty and not sharp enough, we missed penetration from the wings, and Keano worked pretty hard together with Quinny & Phizza to contain Palace determined attack. As time wound down, our apparent frustration grew even stronger. Instead of focusing on attacking Palace, we chose to argue for the penalties & fouls that never were.

It was hardly a performance that could give Milan wobbly knees. To make things worse, I have this feeling that tomorrow night it'll be just like when we faced Bayer Leverkusen a couple of years ago. We couldn't come out and perform when it mattered most. What a waste!

Here's hoping that Fergie would give those underperforming millionaires a kick in their collective asses!

hunting result

The result of a 5 day-hunt in Singapore:

- 2 editions (February & March) of UNITED Magazine
- SMITH 14 on my blue away United jersey
- Michael Crichton's State of Fear
- 3 packs of Mamee Chicken Flavored
- 2 jumbo cans (free 40%) of Pringles Original Potato Crisps
- 1 Nike Air Jordan related t-shirt
- 1 F-Men t-shirt

Ones that managed to get away:
- The first 3 books from Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (3 books in 1 thick edition)
- Awake - The Best of LIVE + DVD
- Marvels - Kurt Busiek & Alex Ross
- Crisis on Infinite Earths
- United home jersey with KEANE 16 on it
- 1 sporty shirt from Esprit
- Infernal Affairs Trilogy DVD
- LOTR: ROTK Special Extended Version DVD
- Alien Quadrilogy DVD
- Indiana Jones Trilogy DVD
- Star Wars Trilogy DVD

It can hardly qualify as a shopping spree, eh? Anyway, it was quite a nice trip, but from financial point of view it was terrible as I didn't have the guts to walk into any bookstores after the 2nd day coz it'll be too heartbreaking for me. So many books, so little money.


vertigo: it's baaaaack

I was really sick yesterday, the same usual headache cum vertigo. It started sometime during my lunch, when I couldn't see the side and below side of my left eye. I was so panicked, and then my temple began to hurt like hell. It's like a hot iron had just been stamped there. I just couldn't stand it anymore, and I managed to drive home safely. It's really troubling, and some of my colleagues suggest me to check it to the doctor or take a CT Scan or MRI. They said that there might be something wrong if the pain kept coming back. I don't know, we'll just see. I'm just too chicken to go and check. What if something IS really wrong? And now, my head starts to ache again. Ughhhhh....!!

Last Tuesday, I got to watch The Aviator, and I must say that it's easily the best movie in 2005 so far. I enjoyed it a lot, more than I enjoyed Gangs of New York. While watching Howard Hughes drowned in his madness, I couldn't help but realizing that some parts of me were just exactly like him. For example, there were times when I would repeatedly say or hum something until I was satisfied with how it sounded. I guess I'm still lucky that my things don't get worse like him. But if what was portrayed in the movie true, then Mr. Hughes deserved a place in mankind history as someone who always thought ways ahead to the future. His determination and passion to be perfect in everything he did can be useful for inspiration if we need one.

requiem for qb

Happy Chinese/Lunar New Year, folks! (if you're celebrating it, by the way)

This year CNY will be remembered because of its traffic jam, my total bankruptcy, and having CNY Eve feast at the same restaurant TWICE with the same menu in a span of 3 hours!! I think I don't want to see or eat prawns for the next 1 month. I've been having quite a lot of it for the last 2 weeks. Even though, I like prawns, I'll vomit if I have to eat quite a lot of it continuously. Die prawns die!!

After paying respect to my parents & family, me & wifey "ran away" from everyone to avoid more bankruptcy. We ended up at Plaza Semanggi and I was really heartbroken in QB. They had Crichton's State of Fear (IDR 220,000), and a bunch of other good books that left me drooling especially in the Children's section. There, I had my first encounter with Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. I only need to read Snicket's introduction to convince me to buy the whole 11 books in the series. However, the buying part will come later when I've finally recovered. Right now, just let me enjoy salivating on the books. Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!

One more thing, you can pre-order Potter 6 at QB as well. It's only IDR 275,000. Just pay 50% and they'll reserve a copy for you.

Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!
Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!
Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!
Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!
Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!

what's new?

What's new, pussycat?

I'm supposed to finish the slide on why a client should outsource its program, instead of running it by themselves. In other words, they should pay us and let us run the program! But as usual, I prefer to procrastinate (not procreate, mind you!), delay it for about 20-30 minutes (hence the LJ update), and go home without finishing it. Ah, the Typical Mr. Tangidy. Why should tell the world what they've already known?

Anyway, back to the question. Here's what's new in my life as of today:
- OST The Phantom of The Opera (the Film) cassette (still haven't recovered from that massive cash hemorrhage)
- Nokia 6670 (well, that's my wife's...but hey, she's in my life eh?)
- Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind ticket (I like it, but wifey fell asleep during the movie)
- Dido's White Flag ringtone
- MP3 DirectCut (hope it works as well as, or better than, Sonic Foundry Sound Forge)

Oh, and 2 Rooney strikes on last Saturday? Man, those were very explosives. I never doubt that Fat Bastard could be a special thing for us. But I still like Agent Smudger better, hope he can score one in Highbury tomorrow night. Another good news coming in is that United will have another blue away jersey in July. I'm already drooling.

Merchandise United? So fucking what?

the new chapter is here...

The first entry ever after the BIG thing. What would it be like? Would it be all about the event? The excitement? The happiness? or the other BIGGER thing?

I wish you won't be disappointed at all, dear constant readers, if what you're going to read next don't contain any of the aforementioned ideas. Because, well, it's just like that. Almost 3 months after the event, sometimes it feels like we haven't done it at all. I still need to remind myself that I indeed have been through the thing. If you've been there, done that, I guess you know what I mean. But if you've never been there, well, just do it ASAP!

However, I have to admit that at least after it's done, a big part of me felt relieved. Yes, the burden is still heavy with new expectations and stuffs, but the relief is bigger than those new rocks God has thrown in my way. Furthermore, I feel that it's getting harder to divide my time. Most of it has been sucked to work, that has been getting crazier ever since the end of 2004, which left me all bruised & beaten. All I want afterward is just the weekend to recharge me. But, still during the weekend, my time is always divided between work, family, mother-in-law, and other people's interests. I just can't get away with it. It'll be a capital crime if I just run away from them all. Now I know how my father feels about it, and am amazed at how he can still keep doing it. What I face right now is just a tiny nuisance compared to his.

So, this is the end of the precious minutes that I have for you. I thank all of you who remains faithful by visiting this page often albeit no regular update. On behalf of my better half, I also would like to thank you for all the SMSs, emails, cards, and, most importantly, angpaus :D May it all be back to you in a bigger, and better version.

Till then, I'm still green and lonely...


constellation starlight

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September 2005


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