I'm the guy you cut in the queue, that's why you got the ticket and I don't

I'm the guy who eats lunch alone in the corner, while you have your lunch together with a group of friends and become the loudest table in the restaurant

I'm the guy who changes his weekend schedule because you want to go somewhere with your kids and your driver is used by your husband

I'm the guy who wishes your brothers and sister-in-law birthday wishes while you don't even bother to remember my brothers & sisters birthday

I'm the guy who always misses out on good things in life because I'm always late to it or I don't get invited

I'm the guy who tells straight lie to my parents to be with you and you don't even give a damn to respect it

I'm the guy who suffers because you want me to be like someone else's son

I'm the guy who drives you to gathering with your friends, while you don't want to go with me to meet my friends

I'm the guy whose absence won't be missed by others

I'm the guy who studies hard for the test but my grade is still lower than you because you cheat. And everybody who doesn't know it praises your good grade

I'm the guy who follows all the rules but still don't get any benefit from it

I'm the guy who changes lane because the other lane is not as congested, but as soon as I'm in the lane it becomes the most congested one

I'm the guy you sneer at because my major in the university is less common and less commercial than the rest of the world

I'm the guy whose salary is still lower than you even though I've worked longer than you

I'm the guy who gets refused by the valet parking while you easily get it because of the car you drive

I'm the guy who loves you while you're dating the guy who abuses you

I'm the guy who helps you whenever you ask for it, but when I need your help you'll always have excuses for not doing it

I'm the guy who always follows your rules, while you don't want to follow mine

I'm the guy who has to come early to get the parking space, because most of them is already reserved by you

And I'm tired of being that guy...

It's been a hectic, tiring, troubling week, and I'm so sad. But there are no lads in red & white to cheer me up. The only solution available is www.manutdpics.com.

I've known from the start that life after marriage couldn't be all sweet. I know that things will get tougher and more difficult. They come thick and fast altogether at once, and if I can be in my brain, the scene will be like Hiroshima or Nagasaki after that several minutes of Hell in 1945. I've analyzed all of the problems, and they're all rooted from one single cause only. If I manage to double my income, most of those annoying things will just go away with the wind.

It's getting worse during last weekend when suddenly those problems were tried to be solved, I couldn't say anything coz I knew that it'd be just useless. They went with me in every step I take, every air I breathe, and every minute I sleep. That's the reason why sleep can no longer become my shelter. I just notice today that I have bags under my eyes, and they begin to form round my eyes. Whenever I go to sleep now, it's not something enjoyable anymore. I just shut my eyes, and then wake up some 6-7 hours later feeling more restless and tired. I don't have any dream, and I don't have any recollection of what I think and feel during my sleep. It's gone with a snap of your fingers.

I'm so tired and they're out to get me. Fast.

It was predictable. But then, why did I still drive in the wee hours of the morning? Why did I choose to abandon the comfort of my mattress? Why was I willing to lose my sleeping time and be zombie-like sleepy at work later on? Why did I do it when the end result from last night's game was already obvious? We call it passion, the feeling of being there for your team, to support them whenever they need it even when you're not in the stadium, to see them try to make us proud. If only there's a way to pass on that collective passion from every watching United supporters from all over the world to the 11 men on the field, then we will be invincible. It's by watching game like this when the real United supporter could stand up and be counted. Supporting United is not just about having the latest jersey or merchandise in store, it's about being with your team through victories and losses. It's about feeling the same pain that they had.

The feeling I've got all week before the game, was the feeling I had while watching Leverkusen game a couple of years ago. We tried everything but the opponent was just too strong and resisting everything we threw at them. Tonight's case wasn't that different. Milan will always be an elite team, but I expect at least we could make them sweat a bit with our never-say-die attitude. It was disappointing, Giggsy had to be withdrawn early with bleeding nose from Gattuso's elbow, Ronaldo kept jacking the shots wherever he was instead of passing, Ruud was stifled efficiently by that bald Dutchman, Keano was strangled by Gattuso & Seedorf, and Rooney's youthful exuberance couldn't still get the best of those creaky legs of Maldini.

When the score was still 0-0, I always felt that we would still have the chance and all we needed just a little bit more injection of aggression and fighting spirit that could be given by Alan Smith. However, Fergie just gave him 5 minutes to do so after we were down 0-1. Why didn't Fergie just throw him and Bellion, or Rossi, or even Choccy for God's sake after Crespo scored again??? The funny thing was that while driving and contemplating about the game I could think about Fergie resigning. Actually, it made sense with him being humbled by that bastard smug Mourinho, failing in Europe, and being virtually impossible to snatch the Premiership title this season. It's always easy to blame the Gaffer, saying that he's past his time and such but I belive this season's failure will only motivate him better to win everything available next season.

A lot of whys and a lot of what ifs, and they still wouldn't change a thing. We're out of Europe, again and it's gonna be long flight home from Milan.

For me, it's just another sleepy drive home and another nodding-off in the office for work.

I was heavily disappointed for the umpteenth time with the lads for the game against Crystal Palace. We desperately needed the three points to close the gap with Chelsea, and we couldn't get it. We only managed to share a point with a team that lied fourth from the bottom of the league. It was a very frustrating game to watch. I know that half of the team's mind probably had gone to San Siro for the second leg match against AC Milan, but it wasn't an excuse! Even our "second" team should be able to carve out a victory against Palace's first team.

Had I mentioned that the game was very frustrating to watch? Giggsy wasted several chances, Ruud was still rusty and not sharp enough, we missed penetration from the wings, and Keano worked pretty hard together with Quinny & Phizza to contain Palace determined attack. As time wound down, our apparent frustration grew even stronger. Instead of focusing on attacking Palace, we chose to argue for the penalties & fouls that never were.

It was hardly a performance that could give Milan wobbly knees. To make things worse, I have this feeling that tomorrow night it'll be just like when we faced Bayer Leverkusen a couple of years ago. We couldn't come out and perform when it mattered most. What a waste!

Here's hoping that Fergie would give those underperforming millionaires a kick in their collective asses!

The result of a 5 day-hunt in Singapore:

- 2 editions (February & March) of UNITED Magazine
- SMITH 14 on my blue away United jersey
- Michael Crichton's State of Fear
- 3 packs of Mamee Chicken Flavored
- 2 jumbo cans (free 40%) of Pringles Original Potato Crisps
- 1 Nike Air Jordan related t-shirt
- 1 F-Men t-shirt

Ones that managed to get away:
- The first 3 books from Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (3 books in 1 thick edition)
- Awake - The Best of LIVE + DVD
- Marvels - Kurt Busiek & Alex Ross
- Crisis on Infinite Earths
- United home jersey with KEANE 16 on it
- 1 sporty shirt from Esprit
- Infernal Affairs Trilogy DVD
- LOTR: ROTK Special Extended Version DVD
- Alien Quadrilogy DVD
- Indiana Jones Trilogy DVD
- Star Wars Trilogy DVD

It can hardly qualify as a shopping spree, eh? Anyway, it was quite a nice trip, but from financial point of view it was terrible as I didn't have the guts to walk into any bookstores after the 2nd day coz it'll be too heartbreaking for me. So many books, so little money.

*sigh*

I was really sick yesterday, the same usual headache cum vertigo. It started sometime during my lunch, when I couldn't see the side and below side of my left eye. I was so panicked, and then my temple began to hurt like hell. It's like a hot iron had just been stamped there. I just couldn't stand it anymore, and I managed to drive home safely. It's really troubling, and some of my colleagues suggest me to check it to the doctor or take a CT Scan or MRI. They said that there might be something wrong if the pain kept coming back. I don't know, we'll just see. I'm just too chicken to go and check. What if something IS really wrong? And now, my head starts to ache again. Ughhhhh....!!

Last Tuesday, I got to watch The Aviator, and I must say that it's easily the best movie in 2005 so far. I enjoyed it a lot, more than I enjoyed Gangs of New York. While watching Howard Hughes drowned in his madness, I couldn't help but realizing that some parts of me were just exactly like him. For example, there were times when I would repeatedly say or hum something until I was satisfied with how it sounded. I guess I'm still lucky that my things don't get worse like him. But if what was portrayed in the movie true, then Mr. Hughes deserved a place in mankind history as someone who always thought ways ahead to the future. His determination and passion to be perfect in everything he did can be useful for inspiration if we need one.

Happy Chinese/Lunar New Year, folks! (if you're celebrating it, by the way)

This year CNY will be remembered because of its traffic jam, my total bankruptcy, and having CNY Eve feast at the same restaurant TWICE with the same menu in a span of 3 hours!! I think I don't want to see or eat prawns for the next 1 month. I've been having quite a lot of it for the last 2 weeks. Even though, I like prawns, I'll vomit if I have to eat quite a lot of it continuously. Die prawns die!!

After paying respect to my parents & family, me & wifey "ran away" from everyone to avoid more bankruptcy. We ended up at Plaza Semanggi and I was really heartbroken in QB. They had Crichton's State of Fear (IDR 220,000), and a bunch of other good books that left me drooling especially in the Children's section. There, I had my first encounter with Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. I only need to read Snicket's introduction to convince me to buy the whole 11 books in the series. However, the buying part will come later when I've finally recovered. Right now, just let me enjoy salivating on the books. Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!

One more thing, you can pre-order Potter 6 at QB as well. It's only IDR 275,000. Just pay 50% and they'll reserve a copy for you.

Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!
Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!
Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!
Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!
Die QB die!! Die Richard Oh die!!

What's new, pussycat?

I'm supposed to finish the slide on why a client should outsource its program, instead of running it by themselves. In other words, they should pay us and let us run the program! But as usual, I prefer to procrastinate (not procreate, mind you!), delay it for about 20-30 minutes (hence the LJ update), and go home without finishing it. Ah, the Typical Mr. Tangidy. Why should tell the world what they've already known?

Anyway, back to the question. Here's what's new in my life as of today:
- OST The Phantom of The Opera (the Film) cassette (still haven't recovered from that massive cash hemorrhage)
- Nokia 6670 (well, that's my wife's...but hey, she's in my life eh?)
- Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind ticket (I like it, but wifey fell asleep during the movie)
- Dido's White Flag ringtone
- MP3 DirectCut (hope it works as well as, or better than, Sonic Foundry Sound Forge)

Oh, and 2 Rooney strikes on last Saturday? Man, those were very explosives. I never doubt that Fat Bastard could be a special thing for us. But I still like Agent Smudger better, hope he can score one in Highbury tomorrow night. Another good news coming in is that United will have another blue away jersey in July. I'm already drooling.

Merchandise United? So fucking what?

The first entry ever after the BIG thing. What would it be like? Would it be all about the event? The excitement? The happiness? or the other BIGGER thing?

I wish you won't be disappointed at all, dear constant readers, if what you're going to read next don't contain any of the aforementioned ideas. Because, well, it's just like that. Almost 3 months after the event, sometimes it feels like we haven't done it at all. I still need to remind myself that I indeed have been through the thing. If you've been there, done that, I guess you know what I mean. But if you've never been there, well, just do it ASAP!

However, I have to admit that at least after it's done, a big part of me felt relieved. Yes, the burden is still heavy with new expectations and stuffs, but the relief is bigger than those new rocks God has thrown in my way. Furthermore, I feel that it's getting harder to divide my time. Most of it has been sucked to work, that has been getting crazier ever since the end of 2004, which left me all bruised & beaten. All I want afterward is just the weekend to recharge me. But, still during the weekend, my time is always divided between work, family, mother-in-law, and other people's interests. I just can't get away with it. It'll be a capital crime if I just run away from them all. Now I know how my father feels about it, and am amazed at how he can still keep doing it. What I face right now is just a tiny nuisance compared to his.

So, this is the end of the precious minutes that I have for you. I thank all of you who remains faithful by visiting this page often albeit no regular update. On behalf of my better half, I also would like to thank you for all the SMSs, emails, cards, and, most importantly, angpaus :D May it all be back to you in a bigger, and better version.

Till then, I'm still green and lonely...

I'm going to lose all the freedom and fun in the next 12 days. It's funny when you take something for granted, and cry all over the place when it's not with you anymore. I guess I'll be longing for these:
- watching the movie alone in Puri anytime I want
- staying all day in my bedroom reading, sleeping
- spending my hard-earned money on stuffs that I love
- being alone & wandering around like I'm lost
- having fun with those United freaks
And all the things that I love doing most. Ah, the fun of being single!

Most of my married friends confirm that being in a marriage means leaving all your single luxuries on the doorstep of your home. And when you return on the next morning to pick them up, they're all gone, taken away by the garbage men and dumped to Hell. You're left with nothing, and forced to adapt or die in misery. Aside from the sex, none of them can provide me with any happy, joyous insight into this brand new life. Makes you wonder, eh?

Tempus fugit, and I'm slower than a snail here.

I went to eX yesterday both for work and The Terminal. The work part was quite okay, it's not that difficult. While The Terminal part was good, Zeta-Jones was even lovelier here than at her other movies, and the story itself was okay albeit being "too Hollywood" for the ending. Hey, we all need a good ol' happy ending, right?

While waiting for the movie, we went browsing at aksara. There, for the first time, I laid my hands on iPod and it was love at first touch. Gotta get me the 20 GB one. However, it must wait after the wedding, though.

Now, back to Radiohead-ing and Smashing Pumpkins-ing.

From 7 days in a week, Thursday is the one that I hate most now. Thursday means I have to unleash my dark side to my staffs for their ignorance, inconsistency, laziness, tardiness, and low standard of service quality.

I mean, why can't you just do it as I told you to do!!!!!???

Today is the first time I raise my voice to one of my staff who's hundreds of miles away. The next time I come to supervise him, he might want to strangle me, mutilate the hapless body, and throw all the pieces to the sea.

I think I've joined the Dark Side.
Anakin must be very proud of me.

On another note, here's what I think of Collateral. Please let me finish my rant:

I like how Michael Mann provides this fluorescent kinda light to the whole movie. The first time I saw the trailer, my mind directly went to video game. The picture reminded me of a video game. Something like Final Fantasy or that game where the characters are CGI and move clumsily. The music is also fabulous, it shut down your mind from outside distraction. You don't think of your overdue bills, annoying girlfriends, breast cancer, Jakarta's traffic jam, or the end of the world for about two hours in the studio. The music kept you focused all the way to Cruise, Foxx, and Pinkett-Smith.

Final thought...I really wish for Tom to win his battle with Jamie. I wish for Vincent to kill Max, and then move on to finish his contract by putting two on Annie's forehead, and two on her chest. Nobody wants to see Tom Cruise get killed in a movie.

Really final, final thought...I want to be like Jason Statham. I want to get paid like him who just said two lines in the movie and bumped shoulders with Tom. Some guy just has all the luck.

All my headache and misery from the last 4 days seems to be culminating today. Nothing goes right in the office. My staffs kept making small, irritating mistakes. And then, my boss was late in giving me the cheque that had to be deposited to the partner's account. Consequently, I was also late in picking up my folks for their 13.25 flight.

Knowing that the highway is always crowded around that time, I decided not to go there and took the usual road instead. Of course, I was wrong, because nothing went right for me today, and the road was jammed right in front of my office. The climax? My folks missed their flight and had to wait for 3 hours in the airport to board the next plane.

It's still 7 hours to go before the end of the day, and I don't know what other mishap is awaiting me.

My only solace for those headaches & miseries? Jacky Cheung's Zhen Ai. Such a heavenly relief. I also tried The Village last night. Even though it's quite good, in a way there are still many holes that are easily exploited by serious, logical people who want a good debate. But if you just want a good scare & entertaining movie like me, the discussion should end 10 minutes after you walk out of the theatre.

Today I just lost my strongest candidate to be my best man for the wedding. For weeks, I think I've already known to which way his decision would go. But it still hurts when the confirmation has finally come. Am I really that bad?

On a more depressing note, Hunny has decided to quit her job. Something that I don't really agree with but can't do anything about it because it's her who does the job. I only think that it might be better to have two incomes than just one when we already walk past the marriage gate. She said that she might find another job if necessary. However with such attitude and personality I doubt that she will get one. In the end, it'll all just sit nicely on my shoulder. Just like what I've done for years.

It's a curse, I think. Don't you just hate it?

Here I am, bored in front of my notebook, having no work to be done for the day, dying to write in my journal, and yet having nothing interesting in mind to write. Sounds familiar?

Anyway, the snack for office tea break today was a couple of siomay for everyone. I gulped them absently while knowing that it was my THIRD meal of the day. I know I'm fat and trying to cut the food intake but strangely I eat more and more each day! Actually, last week I was kinda fed up with food. It felt like I could live with or without them. If only I could control this nerve that regulates my appetite for food. Life should be more beautiful, I think. Six-pack abs, baby!

Hunny isn't feeling well lately and this morning she said that she was nauseous and always felt vomitting. I'm quite afraid that she's not sick but getting something else. Oh, God. Please don't. Hopefully it's just my unreasonable fear & paranoia.

Things to expect in the weekend:
- I, Robot
- New shoes
- Trisna's marriage
- Community Shield, GO UNITED!!!
- Hang out with the mad gang again after offseason

It's a weekend worth waiting for!!

Last night, I had another argument with my Mom. We argued, argued, and argued until we got sick of each other.

Two months away and they all come thick and fast. Goddamn it!!

The only bright things from last night were The Chronicles of Riddick and Dan Brown's Digital Fortress. Those faces on that giant Necromonger ship really scared the shit out of me. Don't want to meet them in the dark, though.

I never realize that Kylie's Confide in Me is THAT good. Definitely my kinda song.

So yeah, today's the last day before I start embarking on my first business trip ever next Sunday. Bandung, Medan, Semarang, Yogya, Solo, Surabaya, Bali, Makassar here I come! I'll bring along my notebook (the old one, passed on from one senior staff to another junior staff), ny bag, my notes, and my loyal cheap, blue, Snowman marker.

Yesterday, I spent some time in Glodok to buy some DVDs to be played on my notebook. I managed to find some that I've looked for quite a while, and was able to block the stare from the ladies who hung around in the cashier. Ah, hell with them, coz in hours I'll be able to enjoy the DVDs!! But goddammit, they couldn't be played!! The player seemed to be not the all-region DVD player. I cursed myself last night! Oh, the agony of having to wait another days or weeks!!

I seem kinda busy, don't I? I'm sure the headache will get worse, now with October is already knocking on the window and there are still tons of things that need to be taken care of.

Geez...*sigh*

This morning, my boss did his thing again and made the whole team ran for their lives. I guess it's already overdue because he hadn't done it for quite a while. I just hate it when he did that, it's like I'm carefully stacking cards to make a beautiful house, and suddenly he came and managed to wreck my card house with a swing of his hand, so I had to start all over again.

Yesterday, some guy from FedEx came to my home to deliver a package and told my maid that I had to pay Rp. 90000 to pay for the import tax whatsoever first before I got my stuff. It was the NASA stuff from my cousin-in-law hehehe. I'm so happy, and when I called home just now, the package had been delivered, so now I'm counting the hours till I lay my hands on it. Man, I've been drooling.

I read my writings lately and I have to admit that I hate them. I'm getting rusty. Gotta find a way to keep me writing regularly.

I'm quite amazed how I don't have anything to do since 11 AM today. This must be a miracle considering I've always had my plate full until 3-4 PM in the afternoon. Therefore, I have time to update my cozy green home and keep up with what's happening in my friends' blogs. It feels great to have some time off.

Last night, I finally joined some thousands other Indonesians who marvelled at Spider-Man 2. I made it after two unsuccessful tries last week in Puri & eX, even though I watched it yesterday without Hunny, I don't mind watching it twice, so be it. After about two hours in the cinema, I know why the sequel performed better than the first movie. The story is well developed and it's not just about good guy vs bad guy, we got to see the battle of moral conscience inside Peter Parker. I guess that's the secret recipe that makes people come to see it. We want to see a hero who's not omnipotent, we want our hero to be like ourselves who had their our own personal past & demons, and the most important thing is that we want to know the person behind the mask/cap. Spidey often took off his mask and let people know his real identity, something that you'll never see in the old movies of Superman, Batman, and other superhero movies.

Other things that I really enjoy about the movie are the way Spidey swung from building to building which was very realistic, the new Spidey-suit, the opening credit which provided information from the first movie which was made into painting (too bad it's not Alex Ross!), and Doc Ock's tentacles. The only minor thing that I notice is how desperate Sam Raimi tries to tell the audience that in the third movie, Harry Osborn will be Green Goblin. I mean, we don't need Harry to remind us over and over again how he hates Spidey and such. The scene when he discovered his Dad's vault was more than enough to keep us brimming with anticipation of his personal duel with Spidey in two or three years time. In the meantime, let's just watch it once again and buy the DVD!

I will probably start writing a feature for my Department student's wall magazine now. I've put it off for quite a while because of work, and now when I want to see the detail of the editor's request, I can't find it because for some strange reason Friendster don't keep all my messages. Well, the only thing I remember is that she asked me to write something "inspiring". Hmm, what could it be...